Warning Hostile Environment (pre-op)

So, there are a few things I can share with you both honestly, and as nonspecific as I can be. For the purposes of this blog my work place shall be called work. The kind of work is call center. That is really all that my little heart feels safe putting online.

Work is not a place that I would go to on my own. While I do enjoy the company of some there, they do after all hire good people, the actual job.... bites. We assuage a general feeling of malcontent with.... da da dah candy. Also cake. Some times BBQ in a slow cooker that I have always called sloppy joe's. Wash it all down with soda, and then sit on out rear ends again.

Each day when I go in there I want to eat. When I come home I want to get over work with eating. I am very much looking forward to leaving the job and it may even be possible. There is a chance that I may soon be able to leave on my own terms. I can not wait for this to happen and spend most of my free time praying I'm not grasping at imaginary straws.

So, I am left trying not to "self sooth" with out food. There is even.. a book!
I actually have been enjoying reading this book. In and of itself I find it soothing. Maybe it's the green cover. Maybe because inside it says take time to read. It really is ok to step away from the negativity of others to gain your own balance. I still feel guilty when I ask someone for time, or space away from their drama, it's hard to say at this point, I'm sorry but I too am important.

Try doing it today. Take a moment for yourself with out feeling selfish and know that you are worth your own time. Feel, not just know that you can be granted concern over yourself and your own well being.

It can be hard at first. I laughingly say "I'm sorry I'm having my selfish time," and then enjoy the rest of my self imposed break. I am not saying be hard hearted in this, if someone comes to you in real need, help them if you can. Just, take time from your own hostile environment, be it work, home, social engagement, to be with yourself and listen you yourself.

I took some time with the yoga to do that. More moving and stretching is, better for me then just sitting still, and it was quite helpful. Even though I'm going into work in just a few short hours, I am fortified with a sense of well being, warmth and my own home. stretching out this morning with a sun salutation also made me think more about the sun. I still don't feel I spend enough time in it, and it is just a 2 mile walk to work, so I'm going to take that jaunt downtown sans car. Yet another stress removed from my day, asshole drivers only to be replaced with a mental life source, the sun.