The 50/50 split (pre-op)

There is nothing in the world that can replace a good support network, and when you tell those close to you that you are thinking about bariatric surgery they will all have a opinion. Some will be supportive, others down right nasty. A whole lot of them are going to be new found experts because they had a friend, a family member that had it.

I'll tell you something right now and I feel like a jerk saying it but the 50% of people that tell you not to get it, that talk about the health problems someone else had, listen to them, make up your own mind and if you deiced to get the surgery do it. Anyone who has had this surgery will tell you a few different things, and it's worth addressing early in your decision making process.

1) Your life and relationship with food have to change. I have a friend who can't eat rice. I have another then can eat rice, and food with sugar up to 10 grams with out getting sick. Another friend dropped the weight, felt great, but due to cancer is not doing well over all. She does however say the surgery has been a huge help in mitigating the weight problem and her other health problems are unrelated. Each body is different, and during this process we all need to listen and learn what is changing in ours.

I personally know that I will have issues with a few different foods already. I can already feel that my body heats up to the point of discomfort when I eat high amounts of sugar. I have stomach cramps and "active bowels" (?) when I eat overly greasy food. I find that the best sleeping pill for me is a giant bowl of mac and cheese. I eventually hope that this surgery will allow me to stick to the foods that I know are good for me and leave me feeling good with out feeling the need to find a candy bar, or eat a fast food burger. I want to break my addiction to food.

2) Your relationship with your friends and family will change. The best of both will be there for you in the beginning when you are lossing weight and well... suffering some of the horror stories as you learn what foods will work for you. Those same good friends will be there when you have lost the weight and are able to do the activities and live the life style you want to live. I hope that everyone in your support group can do both of these. There are some however, that like to have a friend that is unthreatening. You know that friend, you both go out, to a bar, to a movie where ever, and they are getting the complements the stares, and you are ignored. Some will enjoy sharing the spot light. Others will resent the change in you after weight loss.

The worst thing that can happen is lossing the support of your spouse/significant other. If you are currently partnered with someone bring them into the process, even if they aren't going to get the surgery as well. Some will resent the changes and feel that you are becoming a different person who doesn't need or want them. Others will find a new jealous side should people notice you differently and react to you kindly. You may have to reassure your partner that you are a different person but still very much in love with them. Your SO has to be there providing that stable place that you can be yourself in. You've got to have a place where you can feel safe and an outlet for your own fears and concerns. This is an emotional process and don't forget that you are perfectly valid in going through fear, happiness and any other emotion you feel.

I have no SO but a lot of good supportive friends and family. I had to sit one friend down and have, what I call a selfish moment where we talk about me and this surgery and health in general. During that time I went over another family disease that I can already see in me. I'm afraid that due to the Stickler's syndrome just losing weight may not be enough. I may still have issues with my joints and walking. I still feel that weighing less will be better.

3) Your relationship with yourself will change as well. I think that is the part I'm looking forward to the most. I'm dying to go kayaking, hiking everything that I've always loved and found myself less and less able to do. I'm also learning to accept myself in changing. I respect myself more as the weight goes down, just from the pre-surgery diet changes.

As the Indigo Girls say "Take some time for yourself and learn to heal." My insurance and Dr both agree that I'll have 6 weeks after surgery to learn my body a little bit better. Some of that is the migration from clear liquid to small amounts of real food, but a lot of that is just learning who you are all over again.